Not-so Innocent Blood

movie tripe

A lunch conversation today got me thinking about my 10 favorite vampire movies. (I can promise that “Underworld II” will not be among them.)

About 10 years ago, The Hunger would have been on this list, but I now find myself wanting a little more moral simplicity from my vampire flicks. I certainly don’t mind an exploration of why and how a creature comes to feed off the life of others, but ultimately I’ve decided that in movies, as in life, it’s a bad habit to take up.

I’ve given myself a pass on Todd Browing’s Dracula (1931) and Murnau’s Nosferatu, eine Symphonie des Grauens (1922) – what else is there left to say? I’ve also refrained from adding “honorable mentions,” with the intent of baiting my movie geek friends into actually posting a comment or two.

Martin (1977)
This is increasingly my favorite Romero flick, and that’s saying a lot. The most successful twist on theme of vampiric sexuality – a backwater family mistakes its history of mental illness for the curse of the vampire, and the result is a sexual predator who calls into Pittsburgh radio talk shows to explain that there’s “no magic at all” in being undead. I show this one to my non-geek friends and they enjoy it – clumsy acting and low production values only serve to highlight the smart and genuinely disturbing plot. The violence is sparse, but realistic and horrific.

Nosferatu: Phantom der Nacht (1979)
As with most Herzog films, the visuals seriously outweigh the plot here, but these visuals weigh a ton. Herzog’s focus avoids the sensual; Kinski’s Dracula grows on Schrek’s Orlok to become the embodiment of decay and consuming desire. A prolonged sequence in which the count draws agonizingly near to, but then nervously retreats from, a witless victim is probably the single creepiest sequence I’ve ever seen in a vampire movie.

Fright Night (1985)
Much more fun than Buffy or The Lost Boys – you got Roddy McDowall, you got no complaints. The device of an aging B-movie star being pitted against the forces of darkness is both a nice homage and darn clever. Chris Sarandon is surprisingly good as the suave Dandridge, and the movie boasts a fair amount of vampire lore for what is essentially a comedy. I’m less enchanted by the teenage angst B.S. than I used to be, of course, but Evil Ed is still pretty cool.

Dracula (1958)
The most faithful (at least in spirit) adaptation of Stoker’s novel and the best of the Hammer horror films. Christopher Lee plays a feral, leering Count intent on spreading the “cult of vampirism” across Europe, and Peter Cushing’s unrivaled Van Helsing is heaven-bent on stopping him. The sexual undertones are there, of course. But this film, like most Victorians (including Stoker), is a little creeped out by them.

The Night Stalker (1972)
The pilot movie for the Kolchak TV series is smart as a whip. Master sci-fi writer Richard Matheson provides a keen take on what would happen if a Victorian vampire actually did start rampaging through a modern American city. Throw in ‘70s-era Vegas as the backdrop and Darren McGavin as a crusty reporter who provides his own comic relief, and you have a completely entertaining and occasionally creepy flick, made only more brisk by the limitations of broadcast TV.

Salem’s Lot (1979)
Just the image of a ghoulish kid floating outside a bedroom window would put this TV miniseries in my top 10. It certainly has its rough patches, but King’s book is so damn scary that the successful bits and pieces here sum to a greater whole than any “Blade” movie. It gets kinda harsh in spots – that kid outside the window used to be alive, after all. When I come back from the dead, I want James Mason to be my familiar: “No one can resist the Master!”

Drácula (1931)
Save Lugosi’s archetypal turn as the Count, this Spanish-language version – shot on the same sets as the ’31 classic – is a better film than Browning’s standard. Of particular note is Pablo Álvarez Rubio as Renfield, who is far creepier and gets a lot more attention than does his American counterpart. Night-time shooting may explain why everyone on the set seems a little drained.

Near Dark (1987)
These bloodsuckers play with their drunken redneck food before eating it in one of the most inventive and disturbing scenes you’ll find in any vampire flick. The back story of a “child” vampire’s perverted loneliness is obviously boosted from Anne Rice, but it’s much more successful here – whatever their initial conflicts, these undead are just flat out mean. Bill Paxton and Lance Henriksen are spectacular; the star-crossed romance between a cowpoke and a cutie-pie vamp is the most forgettable element of the film.

House of Frankenstein (1944)
By far the best goofy vampire/monster flick you will ever see. Horror buffs know this film as the only one of Universal’s “House” free-for-alls graced by Karloff, but for my money John Carradine steals the show as the Count, even though the story focuses on Larry “Wolfman” Talbot. Karloff actually coached Glenn Strange on his portrayal of The Monster. Good dumb fun.

Geung si sin sang (1985)
Forget all the stupid vampire action picks Hollywood has churned out over the last decade. Feudal Chinese monks kick the crap out of hopping ghosts and other sundry undead nuisances in “Mr. Vampire,” a romp that spawned a whole genre in Asia. The original is by far the best, and in many ways outshines more recent Kung-Fu slapstick. Fingernails can be just as big a problem as fangs, by the way.