Leftover “spA-GHET-tie”?

lifestyle tripe

I tormented myself last weekend by watching The Food Network; this Dimsdale act always ends up with me devouring a 1,700-calorie sack of almond M&Ms. At any rate, I was lying in bed when my least-favorite show, Everyday Italian, promised me some creative uses for leftovers.

For those of you who have never seen Everyday Italian, it stars rail-thin Chef Giada De Laurentiis, who obviously eats very small portions of her cheese-encrusted concoctions and says obnoxious stuff like “spA-GHET-tie.” You’d just have to hear her to get it. De Laurentiis’s definition of “everyday” doesn’t quite synch up to my reality, either, in so much as I don’t have $20 bucks and two hours to spend on making a sandwich every day.

At any rate, she advertised a nice-looking “spA-GHET-tie” pie, so I thought why not? I’d have to burn about half a calorie to change channels, anyway.

Come to find out, her “leftover” ingredient was dried spaghetti. Not already boiled, mind you – the dry stuff, right there in her $100 Pyrex pasta cozy. What the hell is leftover spaghetti? It goes bad? That’s like saying you have leftover gas in your tank after driving to the grocery. No such animal.

Her second dish was based on leftover cookies. Huh? At my house, that’s breakfast, sister. The recipe called for some kind of imported yak cheese and, of course, the use of a $2,000 table mixer.

These shows baffle me. Do people really have this much energy, time and money to spend on routine meals?

Here’s an “everyday” recipe from the MeanOldMan archives. I came across this in college, and my old roommate Greg and I still toast its memory, from time to time. I also published it in a daily newspaper where I once worked as my favorite recipe. In many ways, that’s still true.

Bachelor Goulash

Ingredients
1 box store-brand macaroni and cheese dinner
1 can Hormel chili, no beans
Pete’s Texas hot sauce, to taste
NO MILK, darn it

Directions
Figure it out

Cost
About two bucks, depending on sales

Calories
1,200 or so, assuming you can hold this stuff down